yesterday i had a speed workout to help get my fast twitch legs under me. this is really going to help my closing portion of the race and fight through the final 600 meters.
(before i tell you my times, can i just say that i am so thrilled that i am not an 800-m runner)
1st 2nd 3rd
32 31 31
30 31 32
31 32 31
as you can see, i ran these faster than my projected times. i was pleased with this. i ran with Skyler, CR, and Christina. They all really helped push me to the end of the workout. Skyler really pulled me as I tried to stay on her heels. She has such an outstanding form and quick leg turn over. She looks so effortless when she runs. That was a good workout, but I am glad that is not every week. I was dragging after the workout. I had a lactic acid head ache and a butt cramp from the outragous knee lift involved in running that fast. My knee is doing really well. I had a little pain/discomfort/soreness the other day after my 400 workout, but it is doing well thus far.
I haven't posted how I am doing outside the running world in a while, here it goes.
I am happy.
I am spontaneous.
I am bubbly
I am strong, in aspects other than my thunder thighs.
I haven't given in to the guilt-ridden Mia in maybe a month or two. This is exciting. I missed lunch yesterday, I wasn't excited about it but I made sure to make up for it at dinner and 2 after-dinner snacks. I weighed myself at practice and almost died. I need to eat. I was 131.8. Yeah, sure the number looks good, but it's only a number. The fact that I was that low was because I DIDN'T eat. I should normally be around 134-137 on any given day. These muscles are not going to stay strong if I continously skip meals or dwell on the mirror. I am content, for the most part, with how I view myself. My confidence raises daily. I am fully aware that my body type, weight, how fast I run, or what I eat does NOT define who I am. God is the only defining factor in my life, He is the one who created me in HIS image, not the image of Hollywood or what Hollywood wants me to believe.
I am fially getting faster. I am almost back to the condiditoning that I was in last November. Another solid 2 weeks of training and I should be golden. I wish I had maybe 4 weeks more to really get in condition, but this is a learning process and as long as I can stay healthy, I have been successful in my eyes (which is all that matters anyway) I don't run for anyone but for myself and for God who designed these legs and granted me this gift. I need to remember the reason I'm blessed with this opportunity.
I am stressed because I havne't been getting sleep. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind (not one bit) that I haven't been getting sleep because more enjoyable acitivites, homework, and spontaneity have taken the place of sleep. It just creates a shift in my daily schedule when I have to fit in at least an hour of just down time to make up for lack of shut eye. I am happy. I truly am happy. I haven't been this spunky in years. I feel like Renee is back. Renee is finally starting to shine and come back to life.
I think this related back to my physicality and mentality. These pretty much depict my emotions. Emotionally, I am stable and functioning without care as to how this world views me. I am indifferent. I don't live to please these people around me because I will only fall short to what they expect. I am working on bettering myself into the woman I was called to ultimately be. For me, my emotions tend to ride a rollercoaster of various sorts. The best depiction I can give you as to what I am feeling right now (on a big picture level) is a sandy beach. I am a particle of sand and I get blown around by the worldly winds, yet I am still a piece of sand and I'm not leaving the beach. I may end up on one dune or the next, but it doesn't change who I truly am.
I have not done an adequate job of reading my Bible everyday. I frankly have pushed it to the side some days only to realize that it is midnight and I still haven't engaged in a conversation with my Father. I am working on the desire portion of it all. I know that when you remove yourself for actively engaging yourself, it is easier to slip away. You become numb to certain aspects. There is no one to blame but myself. I can point fingers and say it was this group of friends or my busy schedule, but ultimately it is my decision. I feel defeated at times like I won't amount to what I know I should. I decide to run and hide in my shame than tell God that I am so sorry. I know he will comfort me in my brokeness, but I feel so alone and like a lightening bolt will strike from Heaven. I am stupid, honestly stupid for thinking that. Desire comes from spending time with someone. The more time I spend wtih God, the more I long for His hands and His love and His kindness. I have missed the past two Sundays due to track events. I can't wait until this Sunday to be back at church with the most loving people I have ever met. I wish I could have the impact on others that they have on me. I know I don't need a Sunday church to "revive" me, but there is a certain and particular importance in sharing your struggles and hurt and happiness and thankfullness with other people who hold the same morals, values, and beleifs that you do.
That is how I am truly doing. I admitted the good times and the bad, the happy and the sad. I have been writing alot lately. I am finally going to print my book out. If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for staying with me and trudging through my wierdness.