Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Not The Way I Had Planned IT

Today was the first day I have tried to run since last Thursday (the 400 workout)  Well, you guessed it.  No better.  Though I feel no pain walking down stairs, my IT band still feels as though it is going to rip to shreds if I run one more step.  The pain associated with my IT band is nothing compared to the pain it creates in my heart and in my head.  Without running, I lose my mind.  I know running does not define me, I know I am more than a blonde blur racing past with a pair of fast legs.  But running is in my blood, running is just what I do.  It is like telling someone they are not allowed to breathe anymore when you tell me I can't run.  The worst part, maybe it's the best, is I am not letting myself run because I don't want to go through the pain and suffering that I went through last year for 8 whole months, just feeling like I was in the dark and very alone. 

Sophie gave me a massage after I aqua jogged, which was after my failed attempt to run.  (I managed to make it 8 minutes with only stopping 3 times.)  Sophie really made me squirm.  Apparently both IT bands were bad, though I just feel it on my left, good leg.  She dug her elbow into my buttox muscles and I literally thought I was going to cry/scream/punch her.  I know that it has to be done, but man, man did it hurt.  I am about to go seriously destroy a bottle of anti-inflammatories.  Don't worry, I am not dumb, but seriously, these medicines will work because I haven't taken any medication in over 4 months.  

On a good note: finals are completed.  I may have weaseled my way into only 2 B's but I am pretty sure I secured 3.  The world isn't ending, like I thought it might.  Though my 4.0 is blown, I guess my life is just beginning.  Dad is proud of me for getting a B, finally.  I guess I can stop taking life so seriously and just enjoy the little things more.  The thing is, I am a perfectionist and though I KNOW I won't achieve perfection, I still want to try for it.  I know, I am demented (I am seeing this more and more these last few weeks). I haven't had a B since middle school, and honestly, that was probably in 6th grade Reading class with a teacher I am pretty sure hated my guts.  Just, I don't know, a B feels like failing.  I told Coach Schmidt that I would just run a 4:00 to make up for it, obviously he didn't argue. 

It is Christmas Break officially now.  It still hasn't sunk in and I am still quite on edge.  Turning my books in made it seem more official, but I still feel like there is so much to do.  I might put ELF in tonight and just quote the whole thing while eating a large barbeque chicken pizza.  It sounds like a flawless plan, but then on second thought, maybe I'll just stick with the tea and cupcake-dinner.  I am enthused to know I can get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight.  The first time since honestly before Thanksgiving Break.  I know that sleep will really help me recover and heal my IT band. 

I want to paint,


  1. Let us know how the IT is going. Sorry it turned out this way.

  2. You will be healed! From the prayers and the healing time you spent with Brent Bailey... I have more ice cups if that gets you back to KS sooner.