Not The Way I Had Planned IT

Today was the first day I have tried to run since last Thursday (the 400 workout)  Well, you guessed it.  No better.  Though I feel no pain walking down stairs, my IT band still feels as though it is going to rip to shreds if I run one more step.  The pain associated with my IT band is nothing compared to the pain it creates in my heart and in my head.  Without running, I lose my mind.  I know running does not define me, I know I am more than a blonde blur racing past with a pair of fast legs.  But running is in my blood, running is just what I do.  It is like telling someone they are not allowed to breathe anymore when you tell me I can't run.  The worst part, maybe it's the best, is I am not letting myself run because I don't want to go through the pain and suffering that I went through last year for 8 whole months, just feeling like I was in the dark and very alone. 

Sophie gave me a massage after I aqua jogged, which was after my failed attempt to run.  (I managed to make it 8 minutes with only stopping 3 times.)  Sophie really made me squirm.  Apparently both IT bands were bad, though I just feel it on my left, good leg.  She dug her elbow into my buttox muscles and I literally thought I was going to cry/scream/punch her.  I know that it has to be done, but man, man did it hurt.  I am about to go seriously destroy a bottle of anti-inflammatories.  Don't worry, I am not dumb, but seriously, these medicines will work because I haven't taken any medication in over 4 months.  

On a good note: finals are completed.  I may have weaseled my way into only 2 B's but I am pretty sure I secured 3.  The world isn't ending, like I thought it might.  Though my 4.0 is blown, I guess my life is just beginning.  Dad is proud of me for getting a B, finally.  I guess I can stop taking life so seriously and just enjoy the little things more.  The thing is, I am a perfectionist and though I KNOW I won't achieve perfection, I still want to try for it.  I know, I am demented (I am seeing this more and more these last few weeks). I haven't had a B since middle school, and honestly, that was probably in 6th grade Reading class with a teacher I am pretty sure hated my guts.  Just, I don't know, a B feels like failing.  I told Coach Schmidt that I would just run a 4:00 to make up for it, obviously he didn't argue. 

It is Christmas Break officially now.  It still hasn't sunk in and I am still quite on edge.  Turning my books in made it seem more official, but I still feel like there is so much to do.  I might put ELF in tonight and just quote the whole thing while eating a large barbeque chicken pizza.  It sounds like a flawless plan, but then on second thought, maybe I'll just stick with the tea and cupcake-dinner.  I am enthused to know I can get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight.  The first time since honestly before Thanksgiving Break.  I know that sleep will really help me recover and heal my IT band. 

I want to paint,

R.