Today was the first day I have tried to run since last Thursday (the 400 workout) Well, you guessed it. No better. Though I feel no pain walking down stairs, my IT band still feels as though it is going to rip to shreds if I run one more step. The pain associated with my IT band is nothing compared to the pain it creates in my heart and in my head. Without running, I lose my mind. I know running does not define me, I know I am more than a blonde blur racing past with a pair of fast legs. But running is in my blood, running is just what I do. It is like telling someone they are not allowed to breathe anymore when you tell me I can't run. The worst part, maybe it's the best, is I am not letting myself run because I don't want to go through the pain and suffering that I went through last year for 8 whole months, just feeling like I was in the dark and very alone.
Sophie gave me a massage after I aqua jogged, which was after my failed attempt to run. (I managed to make it 8 minutes with only stopping 3 times.) Sophie really made me squirm. Apparently both IT bands were bad, though I just feel it on my left, good leg. She dug her elbow into my buttox muscles and I literally thought I was going to cry/scream/punch her. I know that it has to be done, but man, man did it hurt. I am about to go seriously destroy a bottle of anti-inflammatories. Don't worry, I am not dumb, but seriously, these medicines will work because I haven't taken any medication in over 4 months.
On a good note: finals are completed. I may have weaseled my way into only 2 B's but I am pretty sure I secured 3. The world isn't ending, like I thought it might. Though my 4.0 is blown, I guess my life is just beginning. Dad is proud of me for getting a B, finally. I guess I can stop taking life so seriously and just enjoy the little things more. The thing is, I am a perfectionist and though I KNOW I won't achieve perfection, I still want to try for it. I know, I am demented (I am seeing this more and more these last few weeks). I haven't had a B since middle school, and honestly, that was probably in 6th grade Reading class with a teacher I am pretty sure hated my guts. Just, I don't know, a B feels like failing. I told Coach Schmidt that I would just run a 4:00 to make up for it, obviously he didn't argue.
It is ChristmasBreak officially now. It still hasn't sunk in and I am still quite on edge. Turning my books in made it seem more official, but I still feel like there is so much to do. I might put ELF in tonight and just quote the whole thing while eating a large barbeque chicken pizza. It sounds like a flawless plan, but then on second thought, maybe I'll just stick with the tea and cupcake-dinner. I am enthused to know I can get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight. The first time since honestly before Thanksgiving Break. I know that sleep will really help me recover and heal my IT band.