Saturday, December 17, 2011

good thing i didn't throw away my gym membership just yet.....


just as i am making a good full week recovery for my right foot, i decide to take to the streets for my easy saturday run.  when i say easy, we all know i didn't stick to the game plan because i ended up rolling at 6:45-50 pace for 40 minutes instead of 7:00-7:10 even 7:20 would have been acceptable this week.

this morning downtown was the santa hustle where thousands of people dressed as santa run a 5k.  it was a great atmosphere, and i wish i could have been a part of it, but i wasn't.  i was the odd one out wearing MSU gear and nearly all white while everyone else was coated in red.  i have my favorite routes downtown and coincidently, part of my loop was the same 5k loop they were running, except backwards.  i felt like a spawning salmon swimming upstream, except i was running and am not going to die (or so i thought).

at 38 minutes, i rounded a corner to finish the loop i was on and my left foot twinged.  same EXACT pain that i felt 3 weeks earlier on my right foot.  i make it to 40 being totally conscious of my foot and its growing pain.  confused, hurt, torn, discouraged.  those are all words that describe my feelings and being, though not my well-being.

i am taking enough anti-inflammatories to shut down my liver by next week and icing my foot routinely every other 30 minutes.  i am taking tomorrow completely off.  my body will thank me because with the combination of weights and running and biking, i feel like i've been hit by a freight train, but a freight train carrying gold medals and fast times.

i'm upset, rightfully so.  i feel like any time there seems to be some sort of hope or glimmer, i get shut down again.  it is one more opportunity to rise from the ashes.  i fall down seven and get up eight.  getting up is so much harder than falling down, and i pray i have enough emotional, mental, and physical strength to pull myself out of yet another hole.  i proved to myself that over the last 2.5 weeks i lost no conditioning by transitioning to the bike, so i am fortunate to not have cancelled my gym membership just yet.  i do like the atmosphere and all the mirrors motivate me not in a vain way, but in a "get your butt in gear and kick some" way.

i pray that because i have dealt with this same thing on my right foot, that i will have the knowledge and strength to do the right thing with my foot and to not allow pride to stand in my way to returning to the running scene too quickly.  it's odd how my injuries transition from one side to the next.  first surgery on my right knee, then my left knee, then right foot trouble, now left foot trouble....after this, i am asking for no more set backs, ha, though i know that is a huge and essential part of this game.

for all you who are loosing heart, for all you who question your decisions, for all you who can't muster the strength to rise again, for all you who are hurting and alone through pain and discouragement, here is what i have to say to you:

injuries teach me how to love. the teach me patience and teach me to persevere.  injuries teach me that even in the face of apparent defeat how one can rise from the most adverse conditions.  injuries teach me how to respect the sport your in and how to love the gift you've been given.  i shudder to think of the runner i may never have become had i never taken the first fall, for i know i am far stronger with each set-back in every aspect of my life. 

there's only rainbows after rain

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