-in my interview with Jason Edwards
yesterday's SEC meet could not have been a more depressing or disappointing event. i am fit enough to run amongst and compete within the top-20 runners. Last year I placed 14th and on the second All-SEC team. It was quite a feat. YesterdayI placed 30th and could have gone no faster.
Training has been flawless and my practice times prove that I am ready to compete head to head against the best. The course was hilly and as a strength runner with more muscles than a raging bull, I was fully prepared to handle the rolling terrain. The SEC has some stiff competition this year, yet my times show that I am capable of running to that level. With that said, I have to ask myself, "What went wrong?"
|in the lead pack, beginning of race about 1k|
Wow, 30th. I couldn't have told you my time if my life was dependent upon it, but I might have guess 23 minutes. Really I finished 21:39, still, at my point of fitness, unacceptable.
|freezing but feeling good|
before the race
Reality sank in as I walked back to the tent. My dad has always been by my side and is my number one fan. Coach Schmidt was in a golf-cart and called me over. I couldn't help it, I started to cry. This team is NOT 9th place material nor am I a 30th place runner so says my fitness. Coach gave me wise words and told me to pony up. I boarded the bus after a hug and a kiss to my parents. Not even 10 minutes into the bus ride I was a bawling wreck, could have filled an ocean. Everyone was busily chatting away eating their lunches and I couldn't stand to hear talking, or eating, or noise in general. (I realize that not everyone has the same coping mechanism as do I, but with my personal performance, I felt like I didn't deserve to talk or do anything except face the facts) My thoughts exactly, "How is 9th in the conference, losing to Ole Miss, and straight up embarrassing Maroon and White, how is THAT even ok with every one?" All I could do was be angry, be upset, be hurt, be annoyed, be broken for the team and my personal performance. I continued crying as just the pain of not running to my potential sank in (wow, just typing this is making me tear up, i hate but love these emotions) Coach Franks called me over and talked to me. He told me it is what it is, way to never give up even in the face of defeat, and to get back on my horse. So.....I'm saddled up and ready to go.
Looking back, this was most worst race, physically, since Blue Ridge Appalachian State last year. Things were just not inline for me.
Now, what was the problem?
Training? No, you don't do 5x1600 at an average of 5:18 and not be fit.
Mentality? No, you don't wake up at 4:30 every morning and push yourself 65 miles a week without being mentally tough.
Emotions? No, I am stable and happy, thriving and blessed.
Iron? No, for the first time in my life, I have improved my hemoglobin levels.
Hydration? Not a chance.
Then what IS it!?
I was supposed to start my menstrual cycle on November 1 (today) and in fact, right on cue, 11am I did. That means that October 31st (race day), my testosterone levels were at the lowest state possible and my estrogen levels were at an all-time high. Once menstruation begins, testosterone levels rise and estrogen levels lower.
This is the only possible explanation I can come up with.
I didn't give up. I just couldn't go.
You might think, "Well, then just get on birth control so you can control when your periods come." My answer to that is, "No." I am not/will not be sexually active nor do I have an irregular cycle. I am fine with how my body is right now and like that I don't have to depend on drugs. Now, with that, I understand and realize that birth control can be a very beneficial medication and that some people are completely dependent upon it. I understand, I am a women and not everything flows the greatest sometimes (no pun intended). Just for me, I don't want to take it.
SEC's was a good slap in the face for me and I think it has brought the much needed fire for me to continue strong into the Regional meet in 2 weeks. I know I can run with the lead pack, I know I can respond accordingly. I know that when the time comes, I will be ready to bring the heat. When I fall down, the only choice is to get up.
SEC is a thing of the past, but if you think that you can run all over me at Regionals, think again.