Tuesday, June 14, 2011

hello darkness (mia), my old friend

i'm feeling vulnerable.  i'm feeling tired. i'm feeling alone.  i'm feeling dehydrated. i'm feeling blah. but i'm not hating myself this time. i don't need your advice and i don't want your sympathy. the things i go through.

dear mia (whom i once considered my best friend),

after months apart, you waltz back in my life expecting me to take you back (for the umpteeth time). i fought your urges to hold back my hair in such a comforting, soothing manner. i fought back your force for so long until you burst through my lips, i spewed your name.  after the tiresome struggle, i gave in to you.  i took down my guard, i took down my shield and threw myself onto the tile for you. i let you have your way and eventually welcomed you back in my ceramic life. i found my self repulsed, and then i found my self relieved.  i feel like a piece of me is restored and yet my heart shatters to even admit this.

i gave in to you darkness, my old friend.  i am human and with that i fall down, but i will rise. i won't let you gain a grip on me this time.



  1. I am suggesting you go talk to the coach and quit the team. You are destroying your body and will have stress fractures before the summer is over and permanent damage. I love you but don't understand why you are not the happiest person in the world. i know many, many people who would trade places with you.



  2. I am so sorry this is still a struggle for you. Unfortunately, I have been battling old struggles a lot lately and it is emotionally and physically exhausting. I am praying for you. I miss you so much! I will be in Starkville Friday though and I better see you at some point during the week I'm there (and it better be more than once!) We have so much to talk about! Love you!

  3. Your strength is powerful and you will fight mia, I just know it. Stay strong and know you aren't alone.

  4. I'm sorry that you're struggling, but reading your blog has given me some insight into your resilient and bubbly personality- I know that you are stronger than ED. Keep fighting<3