dear world wide web of bloggers,
i love fiber-one pancakes.
i have been really hesitant to get attached to running. it's like a relationship, as soon as i put myself out there.....SMASH! heart is broken into billions of little pieces. well, there, i said it. proof as i typed that i let running dictate my attitude, feelings, and every step. well, funny i should type that because as i was running today i had the song "waves of mercy" stuck in my head. "....every move i make i make in you, you make me move jesus; every step i take i take in you, you are my way jesus..." so about this running shabang....see, i want to believe that i am healed. i want to believe that i can run fast. i want to believe that i will get fit again. i want to believe that i am not going to have another injury for a long time..........but i can't. i just can't get it into my head. this hurts, that hurts. yeah, duh....i haven't done A THING for 6 months months. of COURSE someTHING is going to hurt a little, if not alot! idk, i really want to be as far from a hypochondriac as i possibly can. i am tough, i know this, but i can't afford to get flip upside down again. well, if it brings glory to my Maker, then sure rip my legs right off of me. (i'm serious, y'all)
great value crunchy raisin bran is delicious, fyi.
i just can't stop dwelling on the fact that 6 months can't come back in 6 days. what is WRONG with me!? what is wrong with my thinking that i will be as good as the last race i ran, cause that is what they say....but i am NO where NOOOOOO where near that folks. about 9 pounds, about 1200 miles behind, 15 races, and 1 long injury......that's where i am at. but hey, it's doing the right thing every day that helps right. gotta have a solid foundation before you start to build (soooo true with everything, including relationships) (oh, which i am reminded of every day. i am to the point of annoyance with certain aspects. hello...i am TRYING to work on myself and build myself up in Christ, solid foundation work, but no...things insist on stepping in your wet cement. but thanks be to God that he is the great fixer and healer and comforter. in Him i am perfect and with Him my foundation for life will be set unshakable.) (sorry about the tangent)
so i ran 5 miles today, what a drag. it was so hot, but i survived. it feels good to be apart of the team again. i hope this lasts, in a way. i just don't want physical pain. i will take running a 10-min mile every day rather than pain. God i just want to glorify You in this gift, running. i want You to be exalted, i want Your name to be in the lights when i run.
i have a bio test in the morning, i need sleep and a shower.
drinking decaf amaretto coffee,
ren.
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