Wednesday, October 14, 2009

a backwards head and a missing leg

it's truely and utterly amazing how much emphasis and importance i place on something as insignificant as running, maybe for you it is video games or cooking. honestly, think about how important winning an SEC championship or breaking a personal record is in the grand scheme of life. isn't raising a family, getting a good job, and spending time with those you love infinitesimally more important than running in its entirety? can i not make more of a difference in the world by stepping outside my comfort zone (which is not running) instead of going through the dialy motions (up at 4:30, practice, class, practice, eat, hw, sleep, repeat)? in some cases, yes. then i ask myself, "why do i have the ability to run at all if it wasn't all apart of a bigger plan in the first place?"why is it that this tear-jerking trial, this mind-numbing set back, hurts me so significantly to where it almost inhibits functioning correctly throughout the day? it brings so much physical pain with just getting from point A to point B, but even deeper still, is the emotional and mental pain from not trying my hardest, from not exerting myself to my body's full potential.shouldn't this be a time of grateful allowance? allowance to grow as a person? allowance to focus on digging deeper into friendships that haven't even broken the surface? allowance to blossom back into the girl that left beech grove, rebirth; just like my birth name suggests?

whatever this time is for, i know that i am in always in God's hands. He never promised my life would be without pain if i follow Him, but He promises to hold my hand and help me through it. He never gives me something i can't handle, and He'll never give up on me when the world turns its's fun to say i could be an SEC champion, a school record holder, an Olympic qualifier, a gold medalist; but in retrospect, who is really remembered for their athletic performances? for their ESPN interview with Erin Andrews? for their cover on Running Times? everyone is eventually forgotten, because someone out performs them, is better looking, can speak with more eloquence.not to confuse you, reader, i am going to continue to work hard in every endeavor, but not without conscious knowledge. there are far more important duties my efforts would surpass; nursing a sick friend, reading to young children, and working on ambitious academics. one day in the near future, out of sheer curiosity, i will push my healthy body beyond measures with aspirations to create history. then maybe they will say, oh that is the benevolent woman who happened to run fast. not the runner who happened to do benevolent things. born to give, then to run. don't let me fool you though, i'm proud to call myself a runner, no doubt, but more so a caring if i need to focus on other aspects in my life, so be it.if i need to let my broken, weary body rest, so be it.if i have to go through emotionally and mentally trying times, so be it.if i need to learn not to place such a high importance on running, so bet is going to make me a stronger person in the end, and in the end, it doesn't matter who ran the fastest 5k.

1 comment:

  1. Ah Renee,
    Don't beat yourself up for putting running on the top of the list. It is ok for the time being. You know God has a season for everything? I don't think you put less value on other things just because you value running so much. I spent one summer with you and by no means I can say that I know you inside out, but I know enough to tell you that you are amazing person and you have done all the things you've listed above. Being runner myself, I understand exactly how you feel right now. I think that every morning run and afternoon run (as time goes) will be replaced by things that God has planned for you in the future. Now you are getting up at 4:30 to run... in few more years you will be waking up to a crying baby or work... there is a season for everything this one is for running. Maybe people on large scale forget who won 5K in SEC one year but you will have a great inspiring story to tell to the future generations. So get out there and kick some butt. But first lets get healthy. So my prayer today is that God will give you health and strength to continue to glorify him trough your running victories! I think you are soooooo awesome so awesome soooooo aaaaaawwwweeeeeesome!
    Dijana ;)